July 6, 2013
Matty, my other pup (a 7-month old toy poodle) passed away this morning. He was diagnosed with parvovirus last Monday along with our other dog. I thought he could make it because we were able to bring him to the vet just in time. And because he was such a brave and strong boy. He was confined for 5 days, hooked with dextrose because he won’t eat. I went to the vet Monday afternoon to check on how Matty was doing, but unfortunately the vet wasn’t around so we had to go back the next day. Tuesday; I went home immediately after class. I had to see my baby.. I visited him and he was still listless. Matamlay na matamlay pa din sya. The vet said “Ngayon lang yan tumayo nung dumating ka.” Nalulungkot ako. It hurts so bad to see Matty suffering. Before I left I told him “Wag muna.” …… that was the last day I saw him breathing. I didn’t get to visit him on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday because I’ve evening classes. Kaya naman I was excitedly waiting for Saturday kasi finally makikita ko na si Matty!!
Saturday morning, Pepe (our helper/cousin) woke me up and told me the most heartbreaking thing I never wanted to hear. The most painful thing I’ve ever heard. “Patay na si Matty.” I was literally in shock, “Ha? Ano’ng nangyare?!”
…..
Matty wasn’t able to keep up. He didn’t survive. The virus took over him.
I can’t believe it, hindi ko talaga matanggap. I wanted to see Matty for the last time so I asked my driver to get him from the vet. I saw him in a plastic bag placed in a box. At first I refused to open the bag because I don’t think I could handle seeing my super kulit Matty “asleep”. In denial pa din kasi ako that time, until now actually. Pero shempre gusto ko talaga sya makita for the last time. Kuya driver opened the plastic for me and then I saw him, wishing he was still breathing pero hindi na talaga. He looked like wet rabbit. I fondled him one last time, doing what I usually do to make him fall asleep. Nakakaawa sya. I went back to our bedroom and bursted into tears. Bakit kasi? I was crying for five hours straight. I had to let my feelings out…. so I did it on instgram. I want everyone to know how much of a sweetie pie Matty was. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I compose my message. Hindi ko talaga kaya. While in the shower, I was literally “ngumangawa”, I can’t remember the last time I cried that much.
Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa din malaman kung bakit. I ask myself
“Hindi ba ako karapat-dapat magalaga ng aso?” “Hindi ko ba sila naalagaang mabuti?” “Am I a bad mommy?” I feel really really really really really bad about what happened. Seriously. Hindi ko na maimagine na wala ng Matty na sasalubong sakin from school. Wala na akong kalaro. Wala na akong baby, wala na, wala ng tinira eh? Back to the usual maybe? Yung mga draw na wala pa si Matty and Duke sakin.
back to basic.
I just hope people won’t blame me for Matty’s death (not again!) I remember when Duke died, some people told me “Ikaw kasi eh.” “Hindi mo naalagaan” “Kung inalagaan mo siguro ng mabuti baka buhay pa sya ngayon.” I didn’t kill my dogs. But if that’s what you think well then, sige blame all you want. Kahit pa joke mo pa sabihin yan, nakakaoffend ka. It’s not even funny and you’re not even helping.. Might as well shut your mouth.
Well I guess most of you don’t know how bad it feels and how painful it is to lose two important things (almost) at the same time. Nakakaguho ng mundo, pero ganon talaga.. things happen for a reason. I keep on telling that to myself. Yan din yung palagi kong sinasabi when people open up to me about their problems and all. Now I know how difficult it is to believe that THINGS DO HAPPEN FOR A REASON. Kasi most of the time hindi mo alam yung rason kung bakit. Wala kang ideya. Parang you’re just fooling yourself, parang sinasabi lang sayo yon para gumaan yung pakiramdam mo. But sadly it’s not working, it does not make it hurt any less. What’s worse, nalulungkot ka pa lalo. But at the end of the day you’ll come to think of it.. Marrealize mo din na, “Oo nga. Siguro nga. Things happen for a reason.” and then you’ll learn to accept things and move on. C’est la vie!
Baby Matty, you know how much I love you. And you know how important you are to me. Hinding hindi ko kayo makakalimutan ni Duke. You babies will forever stay in my heart. When I grow up and have my own family, bubuhayin ko kayo ulit. And I am making sure na hindi na kayo babawiin sakin. ’til we meet again. *tears* Wish you were here still licking my cheeks as I cry. How ironic; Yung nakakapag-pahinto sakin umiyak noon, ay yung rason kung bakit ako umiiyak ngayon. Hay Matty!
Hope you guys are enjoying your Christmas break as well! 
